Who is The Gimp?

NOTICE: There's a lot of reading in this article, and not many photos. However, if you're a man serious about getting laid using online dating, it's worth the read.

DISCLAIMER: The Gimp DOES NOT recommend looking for a girlfriend or potential mate using online dating, for obvious reasons. This series is not intended to help you find your soul mate.


When a business is trying to sell product and maximize their profit, they employ all the marketing tools at their disposal to saturate the market and their potential customers with exposure to their brand and product. Marketing and sales have changed dramatically in the last decade and in order to ensure maximum success, a business cannot ignore the millions of potential online customers they could reach through an effective online presence.

When they get the customer in the door, it's not an automatic sale. The customer must want or need the product, and also have the money to buy it. It then becomes the salesman's job to make sure the money in the customer's wallet gets spent on the salesman's product or service.

So it is much the same with a man who is looking to get laid, and like a flourishing business, the man looking for easy tail can no longer ignore the bounty of potential candidates available on the internet.

Basically, the process of getting a girl is much the same as the sales process-

1. Lead - Any potential piece of ass is considered a lead. There are many ways to generate leads- through friends, at work, at a bar, on the internet, etc. Part 1 will help you generate leads on the internet.
2. Qualify - The qualifying step is where Part 2 of this article will help you if you're searching for girls on the internet. The qualifying step is where you eliminate the prudes and physically unattractive girls, and concentrate on the girls who are most likely to have sex with you. Since females are deliberately elusive, controlling, and aware and willing to use the power of their genitals, determining which girls are a waste of time is a bit of an art form. Good thing The Gimp is an artist.
3. Sell - Here's where you not only show the girl why she should have sex with you, but also make her WANT to have sex with you. Real experts can even make it seem like the girl's idea! Lay on the charm, but not too much. Let her get a taste by letting a little charm slip every now and then, almost like it was an accident. You see, you're such a perfect gentlemen even YOU can suppress these primal urges to be the perfect man that reside within you. Before you know it, she'll be begging you to take her clothes off. Or you could just get her drunk, that works also.
4. Close - If you've done the previous three steps properly, this one will take care of itself. You should have worn down all her objections, leaving her with only one sensible course of action- Having sex with you. This is where you get the rewards for all your hard work. The hardest part of this step is dodging any mentions of emotions or intimacy right before the sexual act. This DOES happen even with girls you just meet, and even if you qualify your lead well. Some girls change dramatically when the moment arises, and the wrong response at the wrong time will make her dry up like the Sahara desert. You need to avoid any unnecessary talk, and quickly quash any changes in mood. But generally speaking, you only find this issue with younger girls.

Unfortunately, unless you're lucky enough to be a gigolo it's usually not going to be that easy. Especially not with online dating, since you don't have the luxury of having the girl right in front of you so you can hook and close her on the spot. No, in online dating you have to be a little more creative. In person, she may even pursue you, but how do you get her to pursue you when you haven't even met yet?

A cleverly written profile.

No matter how good you look physically, don't be fooled into believing that females think like guys and are turned on by your finally toned pecs. The most important thing to remember when dealing with females is that "Men fall in love with their eyes, women fall in love with their ears." Since they can't hear you online, your only real weapon is the written word.

For the purposes of this series, we will concentrate on the first three steps and how they can be applied to online dating. It will be assumed that you can actually close a girl and get her in the sack, so we'll ignore 4 for this series. The online dating site being used is Plenty of Fish.com, since it is a free dating site. Don't waste money trying to get laid.

First, you should be aware there are basically only five types of people that use online dating-

1. A man looking for some easy sex.
2. A woman looking for validation through online attention whoring.
3. A mentally weak, ignorant individual who has made poor life choices which make them an unsuitable mate for anyone of substance (online dating sites are full of members like this; they're called "single mothers").
4. An extremely ugly, maladjusted, possibly psychologically imbalanced man or woman whose hideous appearance or weird behavior precludes them from finding a mate the conventional way (fat women, psychos, drug addicts, World of Warcraft gamers, internet losers, violent criminals, religious zealots, sexual deviants, etc.).
5. A scammer. Easy to spot, it's the girl that's too good to be true. Beware of photos of statuesque blondes, broken English in the write up, and too many references to random insignificant local places. The Gimp will turn the tables on one of these Nigerian losers in an upcoming article.

How does The Gimp know all this? Well in addition to spending countless hours browsing online dating profiles, he also conducted a very simple experiment. He joined the online dating site Plenty of Fish, and created four separate profiles. All of the statistics provided are for the course of a single week, and none of these profiles attempted any kind of contact with anyone else on the site, nor were responses given to messages that were received, so all data is raw. The generic write ups were borrowed from existing profiles and only changed slightly.

The first profile was a generic male profile, with a generic male photo. Just photos of a random, ordinary looking guy, with an ordinary write up. Something like- "Looking for a sweet nice girl I can take home to mother. I'm an active guy who enjoys cycling, reading, watching TV and going to the movies....". This profile received only four views and no messages.

The second profile was a more comprehensive male profile, but WITH THE EXACT SAME PHOTO. This was a well thought out and original write up (What do you expect? The Gimp wrote it) which was about twice the length of your average profile. Even with the exact same photos, this profile resulted in over 50 views (counter only goes up to 50), received one unsolicited message from an attractive blonde, was placed on one individual's favorite list, and received four "meet me" requests. Don't let the one unsolicited message give you the wrong impression. Even though women want equal rights, they only want it when it gives them an advantage. In the case of online dating, even more than the real world, the burden of first introduction is on the man. An unsolicited message to a male from an attractive female in only the first few days on a site like this is a monumental accomplishment.

The third profile was a generic female profile, with NO photo. The write up was also generic, and went like this (complete with spelling errors)-

The most important thing in my life is my 2 year old son, Alex. He is an amazing, loving, funny, outgoing, and bright little boy. I am a Christian and God definitly plays a role in my life. As far as what I "like to do for fun", I love going to church, Disneyland, Sea World, baseball/football games, bar-b-ques, bowling, reading, going to the river, wakeboarding, and the list goes on! Country music is my absolute favorite genre but I also like alternative, and rock. I am looking for a man that is open and honest, a true gentleman, family focused, motivated, and who is looking to take care of my child and be my friend in Christ.

Sounds like a lot of fun, doesn't she? Even so, this profile received six unsolicited messages and was viewed 11 times.

The fourth profile was also a generic female profile, but this time with a photo. The photo was not special, just a regular looking girl, definitely not ugly but not a model by any stretch of the imagination either. The write up was unimaginative and basically said nothing (like most of the female profiles on the site), it stated something like "Heard about this site from a friend. Just looking to see what's out there. Enjoy watching TV, reading...." Nothing about partying, or anything else to give a guy any kind of indication that she'd be an easy lay. The photo was not seductive, just one simple head shot. The girl didn't even have long hair. The response was mind-blowing. Before the profile was even completed it had four unsolicited messages and two meet me requests. Within 24 hours the profile had a staggering 21 unsolicited messages, and was of course viewed well over 50 times. Within 48 hours the profile had well over 40 unsolicited messages. Unfortunately the profile was shut down soon afterwards for an unknown reason, so the count stopped there.

So what does this tell us? Online dating is essentially a joke unless you're a girl who's not getting enough attention in your regular life, or a guy who only has the balls to compliment or instigate a conversation with a girl when he's hiding behind a computer screen. In other words, it's pretty pointless if you're shooting blind. The number of other men who will contact the girl you have your eye on is much higher than you think, and the number of girls who are actually serious about getting together are much lower than you think. So since contacting girls is essentially futile, you need to get the girls to contact you. The right profile will get the odds in your favor.

This series is primarily written for individuals that fall into group #1, the guy just looking for some easy sex, the target being individuals that fall into group #2 or possibly groups #3 and #4 (some psycho girls are hot, just be careful with the single mothers). So what kind of a profile will have candidates flocking to you in droves and what kind of a profile leaves you wasting your time?

Let's first take a look at what NOT to do when creating an online profile-

• DON'T use the headline "Looking for a Nice Girl" or anything generic like it.
• DON'T put up shirtless photos of yourself, no matter how good you think you look.
• DON'T reveal what you are physically attracted to (i.e. "I like big tits."), but don't pretend it's irrelevant either. Girls are not that stupid.
• DON'T rule out any potential candidates (i.e. "No fat girls"). You can always choose to ignore these girls if they contact you.
• DON'T mention your car or put up any photos of your car or yourself in your car.
• DON'T mention ex-girlfriends or ANY past relationship experiences.
• DON'T mention that you like going out to clubs and never put photos of up of yourself at a club.
• DON'T mention sexual innuendos of any kind.
• DON'T reveal that you drink, smoke or do drugs.
• DON'T mention anything about religion or politics.
• DON'T use slang or shorthand (you're not texting).
• DON'T include your own personal opinion, unless it's a cleverly crafted device to lead your prospect down an intended thought process (i.e. "I believe deadbeat Dads should be locked up in prison").
• DON'T include anything negative in your profile.
• DON'T mention online dating, make fun of it, or infer that it's unusual or not normal (i.e. "I usually meet girls in person, but I thought I'd just give online dating a try."). Doing so will alienate your prospect.

You never want to give your prospect an "out", that is an automatic disqualifier as a potential sex partner. All of these things will create doubt in your prospects mind, and make them think. You don't want your prospect thinking, you want your prospect to act on impulse, to live in fantasy. ANY objection or doubt as to your "perfect" qualities will result in a slowed down "learning process", and that's not what you want to deal with if you're looking for some quick action.

Your prospect needs to feel that you're a one in a million perfect guy, the proverbial knight in shining armor. She needs to be drawn into the fantasy quickly, where she'll be so eager to meet you (give it up) out of fear of losing this once in a lifetime opportunity. But how do you do that using only the written word?

Well first of all, if you can't write, you need to find someone that can. Your write-up needs to have perfect grammar and spelling, regardless of the fact that theirs almost never do. You need to be succinct and your writing should be easy to read. Do not write long paragraphs, and uses spaces between your paragraphs. Although the photo you use is important, The Gimp's experiment has shown that it's not as important as what you write. That being said, your photo should be a simple, smiling headshot preferably in nice or even formal clothes. Your headline should be unique, interesting and witty. Questions are excellent, like "Can I ask you for directions?" or "I'm here, what are your other two wishes?" When your prospects search for matches, they will see your photo, headline, and the first part of your write-up. If it's intriguing, they'll click on your profile and if you can get them to do that, you're halfway there.

The Gimp could just give you exactly what he wrote in the successful male profile, but what would you learn from that? Plus, The Gimp doesn't give away gold like that for free. The good news is if you understand that simple secret behind the profile, it should be no problem to create one yourself. So, what is the secret of The Gimp's successful male profile mentioned above?

It's centered on her.

Remember, the majority of females on dating sites are basically looking for attention and validation. Which bodes the obvious question- why? Simple, because it's lacking in their real life. Either their boyfriend/husband is taking them for granted, or their unique situation (school, work) prevents them from coming in contact with enough males to fulfill their attention needs. Of course females are inherently attention whores who can never get enough attention regardless, but would it be correct to assume that as a group they really are that narcissistic that they would create a profile just to see how many messages they get? Yes and no. While there are a good number of girls that would simply take the attention and not act on it, there are also an equal number of girls that would in fact act on it if the attention is intimate and genuine enough.

So, when creating your online dating profile, don't go on and on about yourself. Instead, make your entire profile about her. So how do you do that when you don't even know the girl who may be reading your profile? Well, that's the thing. You do know the girl. She's a girl that's craving attention from her perfect guy. Now, although females appear to be a complex lot when you're trying to get them out of their panties, it's just an illusion. Females TELL you how to get them out of their panties. All you have to do is listen. Dating websites are full of profiles of females who basically list what it is they want from a guy. Don't worry if you don't fit the bill, all you have to do is convince her you fit the bill, or better yet, that her expectations need to be raised since you are so far above what she wants. So what are the common attributes that women are looking for?

• A man who can make them laugh. Female profiles are littered with write-ups stating they like to laugh. I know, real original, but humor seems to get the panties wet.
• A tall man. Now, short guys are pretty much fucked in the world of online dating, since superficial females can rule them out before they even have a chance. You still have a shot, but your odds are significantly lower than a man who is at least 5'10''. If you're a short guy, you have better odds picking up girls in person where you can play to your strengths and their weaknesses more efficiently.
• A successful man. Someone's got to pay the bills, but if you play your cards right you never will. Regardless of whether you're actually successful or not (it doesn't matter, you're not going to stick around anyway), you can be mysterious with this and allude to wealth. You can count on her gold digging ears picking up the fake clues.
• An honest man. She plans on doing enough lying for the both of you, just don't let her catch you lying on your profile. Be consistent, and if you feel bad about leading her down the wrong path, just remember she's probably trying to lead you down the wrong path as well. Beat her at her own game.
• A man who is confident but not cocky. Centering your profile on her is the perfect way to show you're not narcissistic.

So now that you know what women are looking for, how do you create a profile that doesn't go on and on about yourself, but still let's the girl know you are what she is seeking, all while centering the profile on her?

You need to be creative and employ a unique style of writing. For example, instead of saying- "I have a great physique, I work out all the time", say- "If you like a guy who is healthy and takes care of himself, you'll love me." You still let her know that you've got a great physique (most healthy people do), you just tell her in a modest way by illustrating you possess core attributes that she's looking for. Healthy = Good looking, Doesn't smoke or do drugs, Responsible, Disciplined, and Virile. It's clearly a much more effective and powerful way of expressing a point, without appearing to blatantly pander to a typical female's expectations. Remember, you can't hide that you're the perfect man no matter how hard you try.

The most powerful part about this writing style is it appears to speak to the individual personally, and not only that it's non-threatening. It appears to leave the choice up to her, and doesn't pressure any choice at all. It's objective, straight forward, and appeals to her logic. It SHOWS her you're the perfect guy instead of TELLING her you are.

The best part about this approach? It doesn't leave an out. It doesn't give your prospect the opportunity to say "no". I mean, if she doesn't like healthy guys, then surely there's something wrong with her, right? The very act of her NOT contacting you or clicking away from your profile absolutely ensures she's got a screw loose somewhere. Either that or she's read this article.

Here's another example. Instead of saying- "I'm an honest person", try- "I'm looking for a girl that values the type of guy that can be honest with her even if I don't like her new shoes." This tells your prospect so many favorable things subliminally, you could almost stop there. Even a stupid girl could pick up on this one. It shows you to be a brutally honest guy who so attentive you even notice the girl's shoes!

You use this same method throughout your write-up, paying careful attention to include the five main attributes listed above. Of course The Gimp could do this for you, but if multiple men are using the exact same write up, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out how quickly it would lose its effectiveness.

Here are some more examples....

"I'm looking for an adventurous girl who would like flying around Orange County with me in my Cessna, so we could enjoy the sense of freedom and the opportunity to marvel at God's creations from a different perspective."

This shows you are successful (flying is a wealthy man's pastime), independent, God-fearing, adventurous, intelligent, and open-minded. You don't have to actually have a plane. It could just be conveniently grounded due to engine trouble when you meet the girl.

"I'm looking for a girl who's smart enough to know that a tomato is a fruit, but wise enough not to put it in a fruit salad."

This shows you have a sense of humor and also that you're semi-serious about finding yourself a mate since you indicated you're not just looking for intelligence, but also wisdom.

It's not hard, you can also basically set up hypothetical situations she may have encountered or will encounter as a device to illustrate how you will meet or exceed her demands in the given situation.

Like....

"If you like getting dressed up and going out, you'll love how I'm still taller than you even when you're wearing heels."

This immediately gives her a visual representation of why she likes taller guys, and lets her know that you are a taller guy.

"If you love travelling and experiencing life to the fullest, we have a lot of exploring to do."

Once again, appealing directly to what she wants and why she wants it- excitement, something new. Its powerful bait for a girl bored in a relationship and looking for extra attention or even for a girl who's just plain bored.

Make a game out of it. Just make sure you don't go with your first attempt. Keep trying to make your point more original and more powerful. One of the messages received by The Gimp's successful male profile was something like this- "Wow, I really like your profile. It shows that you put a lot of time and effort into it." Not really. The Gimp jotted it down in less than 20 minutes while he was eating dinner.

Once again remember, you're not trying to find a wife or girlfriend here, you're simply looking to get laid in the most efficient way possible. So you're not looking to attract girls of substance (there are a few out there), you're looking to attract weak and attention starved girls so you can laid with the least amount of resistance or work. The profile you create is a facade, just like most girls' profiles on the internet.

Like we discussed before, there's no reason to feel guilty about doing it either, since your target is someone who is selfishly trying to get something out of YOU! In the end, like any successful sale, it benefits both parties. She gets her much needed attention, and you get that much needed piece of ass you've been craving.

So now that you know how to get the girl's attention by using a unique write-up centered on her, and thus generating a lead, in Part 2 The Gimp will show you how to identify the good leads and eliminate the bad leads so your search for cyber tail is as efficient and easy as possible.

Stay tuned....

Oh, if you're curious you can check out The Gimp's personal online dating profile here (for you sleuths out there, personal information is not accurate). It only got one view.