Who is The Gimp?

Heroes come in all shapes and sizes. From a soldier on the frontlines in Iraq to an 11 year-old girl who saved her family from the floodwaters in Oregon, they all share the same bravery, courage and strength of character needed in times of tragedy to save lives.

Never were those qualities more apparent than when Lake Forest resident, Jennifer Cooper faced the devil himself on Wednesday, May 19, 2010....at least that what's newspaper reporter Erika I. Richie would have you believe.

According to her article in the Orange County Register, an unidentified brown and white Boxer brutally attacked and maimed Ms. Cooper's 6 year-old daughter, Anna outside their Lake Forest home last Wednesday.

Ms. Cooper stated that the dog repeatedly bit and attacked her daughter even while he was being savagely beaten back, sprayed in the eyes with Windex, and reprimanded as a "bad dog" by the mother of six. After failing to "go home" as he was instructed by Ms. Cooper, the angry mother did the only thing she could after securing all her children and closing the door- She grabbed her husband's Glock 19, went back outside and in an act that would have made Michael Vick flinch, proceeded to fill the defenseless animal full of hollow point bullets.

So much for obedience training.

Her only regret after the incident?

"Dogs are so tough and vicious. I was afraid of it running down the street and attacking another person. I knew the only way to stop him was the gun. My only regret is that I wasn't able to kill the dog," she said.

Yes, indeed. Simply disabling it so it didn't hurt anyone else was not going to be enough. That dog needed and deserved to DIE!

Why? Because "dogs are so tough and vicious"! Everyone knows that the domesticated canine has an unquenchable thirst for human blood. Just take a look at this group of savage and deadly animals-



I know what you're thinking; The Gimp is being too hard on this woman. I mean the dog was attacking and biting her child! Take a look at these shocking injuries (viewer discretion is advised)-

Photo: Rod Veal, THE ORANGE COUNTY REGISTER

Absolutely this dog deserved to die! Think of the cost of those band-aids in this economy!

Well, much to the delight of Jennifer Cooper, the Boxer did die the next day.

Now we all know there are two sides to every story, so what about the dog's side of this story? Since the dog is dead and probably wouldn't have been able to give a particularly coherent account of this scenario even if he weren't, The Gimp has decided to give his best guess as to how things evolved during this incident, from the eyes of the animal who met his fate on that sunny afternoon....

For lack of a better name, let's call this pup "Billy". Billy was a brown & white Boxer of undetermined age, and probably looked a lot like the Boxer in the photo below-



On the afternoon of Wednesday, May 19, 2010, "Billy" was wandering around a Lake Forest neighborhood near El Toro and Trabuco roads in search of food, companionship or a stray cat to chase around.

These lonely journeys started two years ago, when poor Billy's owners were murdered and tortured by illegal alien gang members who were looking for some money to buy drugs. Billy witnessed the gang members brutally torture his owners. He tried in vain amid the screams of his owners to fend off the criminals, but in the end the thieves simply locked him out of the house and continued the torture without him. Billy waited outside for what seemed like an eternity, but eventually left alone and confused. He has remained in the general area since, still looking for his owners and just trying to stay alive.

This day was no different, and as he approached the end of a cul-de-sac, he noticed a young girl playing on the front lawn of her house. Billy immediately perked up. The girl looked familiar, almost like the little girl who lived next door that used to play with him when he was just a puppy. The same girl he saved from certain death, by dragging her by her leg and shoulder to safety after she found herself injured and immobilized on railroad tracks a few years ago.

He ran up to the girl, tongue hanging out and happy as a pig in mud to see what he thought might be a familiar face. However, when he approached the girl, the face was not quite as familiar or friendly as he was expecting, and her actions surprised him even more.

Billy, sensing something wasn't quite right, stopped short of the girl about four feet back and just observed. The girl beckoned him closer. He approached cautiously. Was she that same little girl that used to play with him, or was she someone trying to hurt him? His question was answered pretty quickly when the girl reached back and smacked Billy dead on the nose.

Billy reeled and wobbled as his head spun and he saw stars, almost blacking out. All he could hear was the laughing of the girl in the background. He whimpered and backed up, but the little girl wasn't done yet. She extended her leg and started kicking the dog saying, "Get out of here you stupid mutt!"

Billy was confused, what had he done? The girl kept kicking and laughing, and Billy was starting to get dizzy. It reminded him of the girl he saved years ago, who was also kicking and flailing about. Maybe this girl needed to be saved as well? He did the only thing he could think of under the circumstances, the same thing he did when he saved the little girl. He grabbed her leg and started pulling her to safety. It was then that the girl screamed.

All of a sudden it all came back to him, the screaming from when he witnessed his owners being tortured. The screaming when the little girl was caught on the train tracks. The bloodcurdling screaming, the screaming he wanted so bad to stop. He had to stop that screaming, he had to save his owners! He had to save this little girl!

It was then that some other people came out of the house and out of the house next to it. Perhaps they would help? Billy looked up at a lady approaching from the house to the right of him carrying Windex and rose clippers in her hands. By now, poor Billy was in an absolute panic, but perhaps this young boy running up could help?

Whack, whack! The boy beat on Billy's head stunning him. Then the lady sprayed him in the face with Windex, blinding him, and began to slice his side with the rose clippers.

Billy reeled again, not knowing where to go. He was dazed, blind, scared and confused. Then another lady came out of the house. More screaming! More kicking! Where were his owners? Where was the little girl? Who would save her? All this woman would do is yell words at Billy that he didn't understand. "Bad dog"? "Go home"? Billy didn't speak English, and the only English words he did know were "Good dog" and "Come home". What was this woman talking about? Billy thought he should probably get out of there at this point, but he couldn't see because of the Windex in his eyes, what could he do?

Just then the door slammed and there was silence. Phew, Billy thought to himself, that was a close one. Now, Billy stood outside the house still dazed, blind, scared and confused. He wanted to leave, but he couldn't see. Just then the door opened again. Billy looked up. Perhaps the woman had come back to help?

Unfortunately the woman had not come back to help, and the story ends there.



So which do you believe? A six year old child and a dangerous woman with a smoking gun, or the likely plight of a stray and now deceased canine?

I'd go with fictional circumstantial evidence over the words of a six year old child and her illogical, ignorant, idiotic, irrational mother every single time.